“Over 50% of Americans eat stuff out of their own kitchen garbages”

Yep. The topic of discussion for the Hits Hot Breakfast Thursday morning was exactly this matter. There are so many questions. Why? Does the five-second rule apply? Need it be wrapped, covered, protected by the guardian that is this morning’s newspaper? Thankfully, there are people like Paul Davidson to break down the rules for us.

1. You may eat anything that is on the top layer of the garbage.
2. You may not retrieve protein from the garbage (i.e., chicken, fish, beef) unless it has previously been wrapped in plastic wrap or is currently sandwiched inbetween a bun of some kind.
3. Packages of cookies, pre-wrapped candies and boxes of crackers can always be consumed no matter how far down in the garbage they have been placed, thanks to their outer protective structures.
4. If you need a utensil (spoon, fork, grabbing device of any kind) to retrieve the food from the garbage, you may not retrieve it and consume it.
5. You may never eat food out of the garbage whose names happen to rhyme with “mottage tease.”
6. You may eat the fillings inside of foods that you previously weren’t allowed to eat. For example, you may not eat a chicken breast out of the garbage (as referenced in #2) but you may eat the fillings inside of a chicken breast (i.e. chicken cordon bleu) if you so desire.
7. If you plan on retrieving and consuming a food item from the garbage and someone else in your household sees you eating said food and wants some, you must come clean and announce that the food had previously been thrown away.
8. You may never eat sushi out of the garbage.
9. If said kitchen garbage has been packed up and moved to the outside industrial sized garbage pails, you may only go into that closed bag if it is indeed closed and is one of the top two bags in the industrial sized garbage pail. If it is below the top layer you may not go into the bag to retrieve said food items.
10. If you can’t recognize what the food item is, you may not eat it out of the garbage.

And now we know. What do you think? Would you eat food out of your garbage under the right circumstances?